Pregnant After a Traumatic Birth, What No One Tells You About the Fear That Comes Back

If you're pregnant again after a difficult or traumatic birth, the fear you're feeling right now isn't irrational. It's your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do.

You thought you were ready for this.

You wanted this baby. Maybe you tried for a long time, or maybe this pregnancy came as a surprise. Either way, you're here. And somewhere between the positive test and right now, the fear crept back in.

Maybe it came the moment you saw those two lines. Maybe it happened at your first midwife appointment, when you smelled the familiar smell of the clinic and your heart started racing before you'd even sat down. Or maybe it's been building quietly for weeks, the kind of fear that sits just below the surface, showing up in the middle of the night when everyone else is sleeping.

I want you to know something: it’s not your fault you are feeling this way.

It is a completely biological response to something that happened to you.

Why the fear comes back, and why it's not weakness

When you experience a traumatic birth, your brain and body do something remarkable. They store the memory of that experience not just as a story you can tell, but as a felt sense of danger. Sights, sounds, smells, sensations, all of it gets stored into your nervous system as a warning signal.

This is your body trying to protect you. It's the same mechanism that keeps us safe from real threats. The problem is it can't always distinguish between the actual danger and a reminder of it.

So, when you become pregnant again, when you're back in the same environment, seeing the same people, going to the same appointments, and with the knowledge that you must give birth again, your nervous system raises the alarm. It's not being dramatic. It's doing its job.

In my work as a mental health midwife, I see this every single day. Strong, self-aware, caring parents who feel like their fear means they're not coping. Who compare themselves to other pregnant people and wonder why they can't just feel happy, feel guilty for not feeling the way that everyone expects them to feel. Who push down the fear because they think they should be over it by now.

What no one tells you about pregnancy after trauma

It can feel worse before it feels better.

The first trimester can be particularly hard. You're physically vulnerable, often exhausted, and your body is flooded with hormones. If you haven't told many people yet, you're carrying the fear alone. This is normal. It doesn't mean the rest of the pregnancy will feel this way.

Your feelings about this pregnancy might be complicated.

Some people tell me they regretted getting pregnant again the moment the line appeared. Some say they felt disconnected from the baby for weeks or months. Some say they wanted the pregnancy to just be over, not because they didn't love the baby, but because the fear was so overwhelming that they just wanted it to end.

If this is you, this is not your fault. You're not a bad parent. You are not choosing to feel this way. You're having a human response to a very difficult situation.

You don't have to 'process' your last birth to prepare for this one.

One of the most common things I hear is that people feel they need to fully work through their previous trauma before they can even begin to think about this birth. That's not true. You can build tools, set plans, and prepare for this birth while the grief of last time is still present. The two can exist together.

What happened last time does not determine what happens this time.

Every birth is different. Your care team, your body, your circumstances, all of it is different. The research shows clearly that trauma-informed support in subsequent pregnancies significantly improves birth outcomes and maternal experience. You have more agency this time. You know more. And with the right support, you can use that.

Where to start, be gentle

You don't have to have everything figured out. You don't have to feel ready. You just have to take the next small step.

That might mean finding a midwife who understands trauma. It might mean downloading a free resource and reading it when you feel ready. It might just mean acknowledging to yourself, today, that the fear is there, and that you're going to get some support.

You deserve care that sees all of you. Not just the pregnancy, but what you're carrying from last time.

If you're pregnant after a traumatic birth and want support that actually understands your experience, my free 30-Day Birth Confidence Challenge is a gentle place to start. You'll find it at birthcare.co.uk, no pressure, no toxic positivity, just honest, trauma-informed support. One small step at a time.

With compassion,

Katie

NHS Mental Health Midwife | Perinatal Trauma Specialist