“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”

— Jon Kabat-Zinn

If you’re pregnant again after a difficult or traumatic experience, you might notice that worrying thoughts are never far away. You may find yourself overthinking, second-guessing, or imagining worst-case scenarios about your pregnancy or birth.

These thoughts can feel overwhelming — but they’re not your fault. Understanding why worry happens and learning gentle, evidence-based ways to manage it can help you feel calmer, more confident, and more in control as you prepare for birth.

Why You Worry

Worry is a natural response to fear and uncertainty. When you’ve experienced something frightening before — such as a traumatic or complicated birth — your body and mind become even more alert to possible danger.

Fear, anxiety, and stress activate your body’s threat system, which is designed to keep you safe. As a result of that we develop behaviours to try to manage and control this, these are things that we think are going to help and protect us, but actually aren't all that helpful or successful at stopping the anxiety, one of these behaviours is to worry and whilst it might feel like something you need to do, it doesn't actually help or reduce the feeling, in fact in many cases it changes nothing but makes you feel a whole lot worse.

Worry is your brain’s attempt to stay in control, to plan ahead, and to prevent anything bad from happening again. The problem is, when worry becomes constant, it leaves you feeling tense, restless, and emotionally drained.

The Two Types of Worry: Practical and Hypothetical

One of the most helpful tools is learning to distinguish between the two main types of worry — practical and hypothetical — and responding differently to each.

1. Practical worries

These are real-world concerns that can be solved or planned for.

For example:

“I still haven’t packed my hospital bag”

“I haven’t spoken to my midwife about my birth preferences.”

What helps:

Turn these worries into small, actionable steps:

What exactly needs to be done?

When will I do it?

What support might I need?

Once you’ve made a plan, your brain can relax — because it knows the problem is being handled.

2. Hypothetical worries

These are what-if thoughts about things you can’t predict or control.

For example:

“What if something goes wrong again?”

“What if I panic during labour?”

These worries can’t be “solved,” so your mind loops around them searching for certainty that doesn’t exist.

What helps:

The goal isn’t to fight these thoughts but to recognise them for what they are and try to release them. You could:

Write them down in a journal or on a “worry list.”

Schedule a short worry time each day — allowing your mind space to think, then move on. This way you are not neglecting to think about them, but your just restricting the time that spend on them.

Practise a worry-release meditation, imagining your thoughts floating away on clouds or on leaves in a stream.

These methods reassure your brain that your concerns are acknowledged, without letting worry take over your day.

Why It Feels Hard to Stop Worrying

It can feel uncomfortable — even vulnerable — to stop worrying. You might fear that if you let go, you’ll be unprepared or it will mean that bad things are more likely to happen, but try trying to remind yourself that it is safe to let go, not worrying does not make the thing you are worrying about more likely to happen.

Worry is simply your brain doing what it was designed to do: keep you safe. Managing worry doesn’t mean ignoring your feelings — it means teaching your brain that you don’t need to constantly be on high alert, by helping it to recognise what is just a perceived threat and not real.

Fact-Checking Worrying Thoughts

Another technique that can be incredibly helpful is fact-checking your thoughts.

When a worrying thought appears, gently ask yourself:

What actual factual evidence is there that supports this thought?

What evidence goes against it?

Is there another way to see this situation?

Writing down your answers helps bring your thoughts into balance, replacing anxious “what-ifs” with grounded, realistic perspectives. It can be helpful for other people to support you and work through this with you when your worry is spiralling.

A Compassionate Reminder

If you’ve been through a difficult or traumatic birth before, it’s understandable that your mind is working hard to protect you this time. You are not weak, overreacting, or “too anxious” — you are responding in a very human way to something that once felt unsafe.

By using these gentle strategies, you can calm your mind, ease the cycle of worry, and begin to approach this pregnancy and birth with a renewed sense of calm, confidence, and trust.

Would You Like a Little Extra Support?

If this resonates with you, I specialise in supporting people who are pregnant again after a difficult or traumatic birth. Through a unique blend of techniques, I’ll help you rebuild trust in your body, your care team, and yourself — so you can feel calm, informed, and empowered every step of the way.

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